my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
now i know why i became what i already was.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
