WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
