I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
