Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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