Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this just has baby written all over it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need moral support for this bender
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
