So drunk its hurt
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
