In the future we'll all be gay
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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