She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize