I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
