she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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