She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
