I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize