Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
