GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
