Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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