You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
