her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
