I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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