No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
