My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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