best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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