i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
