I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
