I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
