Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
