the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We just shotgunned beers for America
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
