I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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