i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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