He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
