broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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