btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
