He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
