Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Someone shattered a urinal.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
