I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
