Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize