this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
