I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
