He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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