she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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