All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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