My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
