I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
