I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
