I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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