he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
