Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
