every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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