i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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