i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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