Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
