What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
