So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
