Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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