tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
