god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
