I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
