did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize