Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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