I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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