did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
