in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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