They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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