they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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