She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
