How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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