Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
