i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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