True but thats because hes a fetus.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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