I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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