the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize