I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
