I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hippo gnu deer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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