I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
