So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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