remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
