Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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