im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
