Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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