Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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