You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
