2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
