I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
