Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
