Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Quick, to the slutcave!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
