I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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