Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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