Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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