spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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