Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
