I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
