Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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