I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize