Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
