hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
