The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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