THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
