$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
