why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
as a side note pls kill me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
