what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
