As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
