You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
