just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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